Having recently moved across the country, fixing up our new house, dealing with a huge moving van fire, health and family issues, I found myself with 45 seconds of uncommitted time, so I was **thrilled** to get a wonderful form letter from American Express informing me that a credit card I had cancelled about five years ago nonetheless had been compromised and it was up to me to take a series of time-consuming steps. At last!! Something to do!! How thoughtful! If all goes well, this would not only eat up the 45 seconds of free time but about 45 additional days. Of course, all of these steps require either going on-line or calling an 800 number so we KNOW that all will NOT go well. Going to a website generally means getting an account with a user name and email address. These may be the same or different depending on the site. You can pretty much bet PeterSIronwood and Peter Ironwood and PIronwood are already taken so I will end up with some completely impossible to recall username like IPeterIWoodIS437. Of course, I can regenerate my username by merely answering three simple security questions such as, “What is your favorite movie star?” I don’t know. Or, worse, it changes from day to day. Maybe the people who made up these security questions have a favorite movie star that they keep constant for their entire 23 year lives. But I don’t. “Where did you grow up?” What makes you think I grew up? And, what makes you sure it was in one place? And, even if it was in one place, which is the exact spelling I used last time: “SanDiego”, “San Diego”, “San_Diego”, “San Diego, CA”, “San Diego, California”, “California”, “SoCal”, etc. etc. Of course, I could take the OTHER route and call an 800 number. “We’re sorry. All of our agents are helping other customers. Due to unusual call volumes, your call may take longer to answer than usual. Your estimated wait time is 5.5 centuries. But meanwhile, you can listen to really loud, really repetitious, soul-sucking low-fidelity music. This century’s selection is entitled, “The Dementor’s Theme Song.” You know what? If YOU screw up YOU fix it! Don’t impose on ME to fix it.